Toning Up Can Enhance Your Body…and Voice
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
You may recall being told when you were very young, “Don’t use that tone of voice with me, Mister (or Missy)!”
Your voice and accompanying expressions are very powerful tools for communicating when used properly and a friendly tone of voice can make you seem much more approachable and kind. Think about what a “friendly” voice sounds like to you, as it often provides others with a greater sense of trust and reliance on you.
So if someone has candidly shared that you need to “sound friendlier” or if you feel you could benefit from portraying a friendlier voice, then read on and try practicing a few of these Toning Tips:
Toning Tips for Developing a Friendlier Tone of Voice:
- Slow down the pace of delivery and pause with some frequency.
- Think about the situation from a more positive view. What you’re thinking can easily come through in the tone of your voice. Be careful that your thoughts don’t project a different message from the one want to put across.
- Change the word emphasis to reflect a more positive projection, like curiosity, excitement, interest, or responsibility. By switching what words you stress, you can sound much friendlier.
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – A defensive emphasis
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – Cooperative, willing to help
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – An apathetic monotone, questionable decision-maker
- Watch how actors you admire project a friendly voice. Think of an actor in a role where you perceived their character as friendly and note the tone, speed of delivery, facial expressions, and body language they present when in character.
- Audio-record yourself speaking. Speak as naturally as possible into some recording device and listen as objectively as you can to determine where you may need to improve. What were your first impressions of your speaking voice?
- Use a video-recorder to play back both your image and sound. Watch your body language as well as listening to tone of voice because your overall projection is important for displaying a sense of friendliness.
- Ask a close friend or colleague to provide his/her candid opinion of you using your voice both before and after you try to change it. He/she can offer a more objective opinion than you likely can yourself, which may prove to be very helpful.
Rather than making a New Years’ Resolution to tone your body, try focusing on enhancing your tone of voice. It is amazing what a few workouts can do for you…and this choice is far less painful with longer lasting results!
It’s Not the Load, but the Way You Carry it, that Weighs You Down
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Is procrastination a character flaw or a habit? It is definitely a habit, although many people talk about it as if it were an uncontrollable quality, an innate part of their personality, or it has even been referred to as an appealing trait, which I feel is simply nothing more than a disguised excuse. Let’s face it, procrastination is a choice and over time, it can become a habit that is really difficult to break.
Procrastination is defined by experts as the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, which leads to putting off important tasks to a later time. The behavior is usually counterproductive, not necessary, and it often delays something that needs your attention. Often times it results in increased levels of stress, a sense of guilt, a dramatic loss of productivity, and can even include strained relationships if commitments or responsibilities aren’t handled. So why do it? Good question. Common sense is not always common practice.
We tend to find ourselves walking down the procrastination path when we are faced with one of four scenarios:
- Unpleasant tasks
- Difficult tasks
- Perfectionism
- Disorganization
First, for tasks that you don’t care for, we tend to put them off to the side and wish them away. But do they go away? The chances are not too likely. So when you have one or even several tasks that you would prefer to avoid, I recommend tackling those first, and then giving yourself a small reward for “kicking that can” out of the way. Don’t let dreaded duties drag you down. Face ‘em and forget ‘em.
Second are the difficult tasks; those responsibilities that seem daunting and sometimes demanding. Arduous tasks require our greatest concentration. I suggest that you plan specific times throughout the day to focus your attention on these duties when you have the greatest mental energy. For some of us this time is first thing in the morning. For others of us it is mid-morning. Yet for people like me, I find I am able to concentrate the best right after lunch. Tackle the most difficult tasks at the right time and then break them down into digestible chunks. By assigning a timeline to the overall task, knowing when each aspect needs to be completed, scheduling time in your schedule that aligns with your energy cycle, and then following through on your plan, will certainly help you to combat your most daunting endeavors.
The third reason we find ourselves procrastinating is when we seek a perfect outcome. Usually tasks do not require perfection; rather, they need to be handled according to expectations. If we continue to make adjustments because it isn’t “just so,” we usually find ourselves losing high levels of productivity and simply getting stuck. I believe in exceeding expectations, but leaving perfectionism at the door.
The fourth component of procrastination is disorganization. I continue to be amazed at the number of individuals who swear that they know exactly where every piece of paper is among the mountains and piles. They may have a general idea, and they may even know about where the document is, however, the chances of being able to work without feeling a sense of chaos and disarray, I just can’t imagine. I could definitely be wrong here, but I know that I am always more focused and productive when my desk area is organized and clean. So if you suffer from disorganization, I challenge you to take the “De-clutter Challenge.” Do your best to un-clutter your work area and keep it that way for one full week. Take an honest pulse-check as to whether you feel you had greater productivity by being more organized. Your outcome of this experiment will clearly outline for you whether or not enhanced organization can help you. It’s worth a try; what have you got to lose? Except…maybe another important piece of paper?
You, like me, are probably being asked to do more today than you did a year ago. Whether it is at work or at home, the tasks continue to come. As you likely realize, not all tasks are created equal. And if you don’t prioritize them, someone else usually will. So plan your responsibilities and strive to re-prioritize them as needed, even if that means doing this several times a week or even per day. Because it is not the actual number of tasks that we need to do that weighs us down; for if it was, we would have been able to get up years ago. Instead, what tends to burdens us is how we carry the load. Choose to handle those tasks promptly that need your attention rather than procrastinating and putting them off until they become a crisis. The “Gain®” certainly out-weighs the “Tide®.”
Trust and Respect…Can You Have One Without the Other?
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Would you say respect is an attitude? I would.
How do you show others respect? I try to be positive and to compliment others. I try to be fair by not rushing judgment and fair-mindedly listening to each perspective. I try to be polite by saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ I try to be a good listener by actively paying attention, using non-verbal gestures appropriately and using my two ears more than my one mouth. I try to address behavior issues confidentially and one-on-one, rather than personally attacking someone.
How do you demonstrate trust? I try to protect confidentiality by not breaching confidences. I try to provide honest and candid feedback in a safe manner, even when it’s not fun for the other person to hear. I try to be reliable by doing what I say I will and not giving excuses. I try to trust others by allowing people to make choices and then hold them accountable. I try to admit my mistakes and not blame others. I try to never hold grudges and give others a fair, second chance.
None of us are perfect, that is how we were made. But living life in a manner that encourages trust and respect is admirable.
Can you respect someone, but not trust him/her? I can’t.
Can you trust someone, but not respect him/her? I can.
I’m Hangin’ On To How I Feel
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
As human beings, we all are different in many ways. However, we do all have one need in common; that need is to feel both valued and respected. It is a universal need.
Think for a moment, do those with whom we communicate feel valued and respected from the words we say and the actions we express? How do others feel after talking to you or me?
Consider how you are perceived in “moments of truth,” those brief, but critical moments when you interact with someone and a first impression is formed. What do we all really want from an interaction? Believe it or not, what the other person wants is very similar to what you also likely want. Do any of these points ring true to you?
- Extend a warm, friendly greeting upon meeting someone. Stop what you are doing and offer a little attention to that person.
- Ask questions of interest; be genuinely engaged in what he/she has to say, building upon each question if it makes sense to. One of the worst things I find is when someone I meet wants to only talk about themselves. Get to know other people. The more interest you show in others, the more interesting you actually become.
- Display not only verbal attention but also demonstrate affirmative non-verbal cues. Listen carefully with your ears and warmly with your eyes. Give sincere eye contact that is cordial and friendly.
Because people tend to hang on to how they feel after an encounter with us, be sure you do your best to help the feeling be positive. First impressions generate feelings quickly and they can take a lifetime to change.
Is Avoiding the Pain of Conflict a Negative Choice?
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
When you are out in public with your children and they are acting up, you are faced with multiple choices:
- Do nothing and suffer the misbehavior – which includes others around you also suffering
- Discipline your child and risk an escalating battle in a public place
- Remove yourself and your children from the situation by leaving the public place
I believe that once you are in a similar unfortunate spot, you are in a situation that is essentially too late to be handled positively, ultimately causing you to react in a negative manner. Each choice involves you trying to reduce your pain.
A much better alternative would be to avoid being in a situation where you are faced with these negative choices – to proactively think through ways to steer clear of those three scenarios above. Some ideas could be:
- Verbalizing expectations before leaving the house and again before stepping out of your vehicle.
- Share with your children the specific positive reward they will receive for good behavior.
- Also clearly communicate what will happen if they choose to misbehave; be sure to follow-through with the discipline.
I am a strong believer in setting human beings up for success. I guess I learned that from my own Mother, who frequently firmly told the four of us kids what her expectations were so we knew where the clearly drawn line was. So rather than avoid the pain of conflict, seek the pleasure of proactively outlining strategies that will help increase your chances of success.
What’s the Point of Listening?
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Without much warning and as an introduction to one of my training classes, I began by reading a short, super boring article and then I posed a question to the group. For $1, who can tell me one of the three key points of the story I just shared? Only one person out of 35 was able to correctly articulate one point.
The group all heard the same story, yet only one could remember very much about it. Why? It could have been because of disinterest, no pre-defined objective, or no advance reward was communicated. Do you think that if I had told them initially that they could win some money, they would have listened better? Clearly, communication is important when you need to drive a change, implement a plan, reach your goals, etc. Additional benefits to effective communication include:
- Others know what you are doing and why
- People are more engaged
- Tasks are done faster, with less re-work
- Problems can be solved faster and more effectively
- People often know who to go to for what information
What then, are some of the costs of poor communication?
- Confusion – people don’t know why they are doing something
- Wasted time & resources
- Strained relationships (from misunderstandings)
- Problems take longer to resolve
- Morale issues occur more often, with a greater potential for turnover
- Organization may become less responsive & flexible – may lead to a negative image & lost business
Two Ears, Only One Mouth
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
It has been said that we have been given two ears and only one mouth, because we should listen more than talk. I think it is because it is twice as hard to listen as it is to talk.
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness and on the quality of your relationships with others.
We listen to obtain information.
We listen to understand.
We listen for enjoyment.
We listen to learn. We listen to show we care.
Given all this listening we do, you would think we’d be good at it! However, most of us are not. Numerous studies have been done on this subject, and depending which one you refer to, most say that we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, you may only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren’t hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50%, but what if they’re not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all improve on and as we become better at it, we likely will improve our productivity, our ability to influence, and the interpersonal dynamics around us. I have found the following strategies effective in enhancing this skill:
- Let the other person do the talking. If you have been talking for 5-10 minutes, try asking the other person some questions to help get him/her talking. Most people enjoy it when others take an interest in them and want to learn a little bit about them.
- Ask open-ended questions. Asking someone a question that cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer helps the conversation to naturally develop. This small effort also demonstrates that you care and that you are trying to understand.
- Focus. Maintain eye contact and keep your mind focused on what the other person is saying.
- Avoid interrupting. Listen fully to the person’s perspective before commenting.
- Practice reflective listening. Reiterate what was said to demonstrate that you did listen. This practice also ensures that you understood this person correctly, because if you stated it wrong, chances are pretty good that the person will correct you.
- Hold back from advising, diagnosing, or interpreting a situation. Try not to jump to conclusions or figure out a problem before understanding all of the facts, especially if you already have a personal bias regarding the situation.
