Stunning Self-Confidence is the New Sexy

Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions

People often share personal stories of their struggles with self-confidence. What I have found throughout my life experience is that this is not a female issue; rather, it is a people issue, and one that many battle with throughout their entire life. Am I smart enough? Am I tall enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I experienced enough? Am I good enough?

Having self-confidence is about believing in you as an individual. When you look in the mirror, how do you rate yourself on the “I love you” scale? If you think you are a smokin’ hot 10, you likely need an attitude adjustment because you love yourself too much. If you rate yourself beneath a 5, you likely will never live up to your potential and are doomed a failure. Right? Wrong!

Self-confidence has really nothing to do with what you literally see in the mirror. It is far more about who you see in the reflection.

Who really cares what your number is anyway, and I mean that at every level. From the scale, to the measuring tape, the IQ score, GPA, performance rating or whatever other measurement you use. Now I realize these numbers have value; significant value. Yet I don’t believe we should determine our self-worth based on those numbers. We are more than just numbers. Heck, I used to determine the type of day I was going to have by what numbers glared back at me every morning I timidly stepped on the square white box that was soon going to seal my fate for the next twenty-four hours. Not cool. We are definitely more than any number we or others assign.

What I have come to find, is that there is simply nothing more appealing than talking with or observing an individual with a strong sense of self-confidence, yet no glimmer of arrogance. It is attractive to see someone who feels good about themselves and who radiates that they are comfortable in their own skin; with who they are as a person. When I found myself years ago smack dab in the center of the dating arena, this unknown and foreign territory led me feeling self-conscious, uncomfortable and totally and completely vulnerable. Why? I didn’t love myself. My self-confidence was quite low. Whoever said that, “One needs to love herself before she can love anyone else” is truly brilliant. Yet many of us don’t really understand that. At least I didn’t.

If you want to “bring sexy back” like music icon Justin Timberlake croons about, raise your irresistible charm an octave by creating stunning self-confidence. Pick and choose several ideas below from the list of ten that sound interesting or appeal to your individual style. If they work…awesome! If they don’t, try a few others. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Look your best. If you are doing work around the house, going to work, or meeting a friend/client for lunch, we always feel better when we look better. If you are used to slacks and a shirt/blouse, dress it up with a fashionable piece of jewelry or a new belt. If you wear traditional suits, add a new blouse/shirt to take it up a notch. Instead of wearing the comfortable outfit, pull out the classy one that looks sharp and leaves you feeling amazing.

2. Think positive. Instead of listening to that negative self-talk that is so destructive, fill your mind with thoughts of how you will nail your next presentation; how you will secure that next new sale. Visualize your success and how you will feel as it happens.

3. Stand and walk straight and tall. My Mom used to frequently say to me, “Tracy, stand up straight and put your shoulders back.” What she was really articulating was how she wanted me to demonstrate my confidence and hold myself accordingly. It never helps to appear slow, slouchy, and sloppy. Instead, stand tall and poised to take on the world.

4. Smile. Human beings almost always appear warm, friendly and more approachable when they smile. It is a simple act that reaps the rewards. Others feel more inclined to trust you, help you and listen to you. They will be more influenced by you when you smile. Yet, when you don’t, when your smile is turned upside down, you won’t feel as good about yourself and that will come across clearly to who you are communicating with. A smile…easy and effective.

5. Hang around fun, inspiring people. Avoid the Debbie Downers and Pessimistic Paul’s of the universe. Hang out instead with those who are more like Motivating Michael or Enthusiastic Ellen. Those you choose to spend time with you will become more like. So be careful who gets your time and energy. Instead of energy deplete, connect with those that leave you feeling totally complete.

6. Write in a journal. Take a few minutes each day to channel your thoughts and write several of them in a special place. Maybe it is a journal focused on those things that bring you joy; or that you are grateful for, or ways in which you are overcoming a fear. Whatever bears a repetitive thought deserves to be written down. For what gets reminded, often gets repeated.

7. Write ten things you are good at or qualities you like in yourself. Carry a list of your positive traits with you at all times, so they are close and ready to be referenced. For if a negative thought enters your mind or someone makes an unwelcomed comment that is tough to overcome in the moment, pull out your list of positive attributes or strengths and remind yourself of your gifts and talents. Sometimes a simple affirmation is helpful to put things quickly back into perspective.

8. Prepare. I feel most confident when I am prepared. I feel far more anxious and uncertain when I am unprepared. Whatever task or initiative you are focused on, be sure you put your heart and soul into it and come to the table or tarmac prepared. As my husband always says, “Preparation is where planning meets opportunity.” When you are prepared, you can quickly work through unforeseen turbulence, as if on auto-pilot.

9. Arrive early. One thing I have learned the hard way throughout my life is that arriving late is good for no one. The person that is awaiting your arrival is often worried and nervous about why you are late and even if you are coming. You, the late individual, are likely racing through the streets or highway, trying to make up for lost time. Instead, plan to arrive early and give yourself a few minutes to gather your thoughts or use the restroom. If you arrive earlier than expected, bring along something that can productively occupy your time. Maybe listening to an audio CD, catching up on some reading material, reviewing some documents that need your attention, or following up on emails if you are parked and have a wireless connection.

10. Set one small goal and achieve it. Nothing breeds success more than success itself. Identify one small, yet important goal that you would like to attain. Understand clearly what needs to happen to allow you to accomplish that goal. Put it in writing and ensure you keep that goal front and center, reminding you daily about it. Once you achieve it, celebrate in an appropriate way, relative to the size and meaning of the goal. By accomplishing this endeavor, you have created momentum that will perpetuate and gain traction. Your self-confidence behind what you can accomplish will be at a well-deserved high level, one which will provide even more assurance that you can attain what you set out to do.

Even though Timberlake’s verse is focused on “knowing how to act,” I believe stunning self-confidence is most appealing (and sexy!) when “knowing how to be.” Choose to be self-confident over simply pretending to be.