Stunning Self-Confidence is the New Sexy
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
People often share personal stories of their struggles with self-confidence. What I have found throughout my life experience is that this is not a female issue; rather, it is a people issue, and one that many battle with throughout their entire life. Am I smart enough? Am I tall enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I experienced enough? Am I good enough?
Having self-confidence is about believing in you as an individual. When you look in the mirror, how do you rate yourself on the “I love you” scale? If you think you are a smokin’ hot 10, you likely need an attitude adjustment because you love yourself too much. If you rate yourself beneath a 5, you likely will never live up to your potential and are doomed a failure. Right? Wrong!
Self-confidence has really nothing to do with what you literally see in the mirror. It is far more about who you see in the reflection.
Who really cares what your number is anyway, and I mean that at every level. From the scale, to the measuring tape, the IQ score, GPA, performance rating or whatever other measurement you use. Now I realize these numbers have value; significant value. Yet I don’t believe we should determine our self-worth based on those numbers. We are more than just numbers. Heck, I used to determine the type of day I was going to have by what numbers glared back at me every morning I timidly stepped on the square white box that was soon going to seal my fate for the next twenty-four hours. Not cool. We are definitely more than any number we or others assign.
What I have come to find, is that there is simply nothing more appealing than talking with or observing an individual with a strong sense of self-confidence, yet no glimmer of arrogance. It is attractive to see someone who feels good about themselves and who radiates that they are comfortable in their own skin; with who they are as a person. When I found myself years ago smack dab in the center of the dating arena, this unknown and foreign territory led me feeling self-conscious, uncomfortable and totally and completely vulnerable. Why? I didn’t love myself. My self-confidence was quite low. Whoever said that, “One needs to love herself before she can love anyone else” is truly brilliant. Yet many of us don’t really understand that. At least I didn’t.
If you want to “bring sexy back” like music icon Justin Timberlake croons about, raise your irresistible charm an octave by creating stunning self-confidence. Pick and choose several ideas below from the list of ten that sound interesting or appeal to your individual style. If they work…awesome! If they don’t, try a few others. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Look your best. If you are doing work around the house, going to work, or meeting a friend/client for lunch, we always feel better when we look better. If you are used to slacks and a shirt/blouse, dress it up with a fashionable piece of jewelry or a new belt. If you wear traditional suits, add a new blouse/shirt to take it up a notch. Instead of wearing the comfortable outfit, pull out the classy one that looks sharp and leaves you feeling amazing.
2. Think positive. Instead of listening to that negative self-talk that is so destructive, fill your mind with thoughts of how you will nail your next presentation; how you will secure that next new sale. Visualize your success and how you will feel as it happens.
3. Stand and walk straight and tall. My Mom used to frequently say to me, “Tracy, stand up straight and put your shoulders back.” What she was really articulating was how she wanted me to demonstrate my confidence and hold myself accordingly. It never helps to appear slow, slouchy, and sloppy. Instead, stand tall and poised to take on the world.
4. Smile. Human beings almost always appear warm, friendly and more approachable when they smile. It is a simple act that reaps the rewards. Others feel more inclined to trust you, help you and listen to you. They will be more influenced by you when you smile. Yet, when you don’t, when your smile is turned upside down, you won’t feel as good about yourself and that will come across clearly to who you are communicating with. A smile…easy and effective.
5. Hang around fun, inspiring people. Avoid the Debbie Downers and Pessimistic Paul’s of the universe. Hang out instead with those who are more like Motivating Michael or Enthusiastic Ellen. Those you choose to spend time with you will become more like. So be careful who gets your time and energy. Instead of energy deplete, connect with those that leave you feeling totally complete.
6. Write in a journal. Take a few minutes each day to channel your thoughts and write several of them in a special place. Maybe it is a journal focused on those things that bring you joy; or that you are grateful for, or ways in which you are overcoming a fear. Whatever bears a repetitive thought deserves to be written down. For what gets reminded, often gets repeated.
7. Write ten things you are good at or qualities you like in yourself. Carry a list of your positive traits with you at all times, so they are close and ready to be referenced. For if a negative thought enters your mind or someone makes an unwelcomed comment that is tough to overcome in the moment, pull out your list of positive attributes or strengths and remind yourself of your gifts and talents. Sometimes a simple affirmation is helpful to put things quickly back into perspective.
8. Prepare. I feel most confident when I am prepared. I feel far more anxious and uncertain when I am unprepared. Whatever task or initiative you are focused on, be sure you put your heart and soul into it and come to the table or tarmac prepared. As my husband always says, “Preparation is where planning meets opportunity.” When you are prepared, you can quickly work through unforeseen turbulence, as if on auto-pilot.
9. Arrive early. One thing I have learned the hard way throughout my life is that arriving late is good for no one. The person that is awaiting your arrival is often worried and nervous about why you are late and even if you are coming. You, the late individual, are likely racing through the streets or highway, trying to make up for lost time. Instead, plan to arrive early and give yourself a few minutes to gather your thoughts or use the restroom. If you arrive earlier than expected, bring along something that can productively occupy your time. Maybe listening to an audio CD, catching up on some reading material, reviewing some documents that need your attention, or following up on emails if you are parked and have a wireless connection.
10. Set one small goal and achieve it. Nothing breeds success more than success itself. Identify one small, yet important goal that you would like to attain. Understand clearly what needs to happen to allow you to accomplish that goal. Put it in writing and ensure you keep that goal front and center, reminding you daily about it. Once you achieve it, celebrate in an appropriate way, relative to the size and meaning of the goal. By accomplishing this endeavor, you have created momentum that will perpetuate and gain traction. Your self-confidence behind what you can accomplish will be at a well-deserved high level, one which will provide even more assurance that you can attain what you set out to do.
Even though Timberlake’s verse is focused on “knowing how to act,” I believe stunning self-confidence is most appealing (and sexy!) when “knowing how to be.” Choose to be self-confident over simply pretending to be.
Visualize the Way You Want to Feel
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
How do you want to feel? Do you tend to act the way you want to feel? Chances are, for many of us, the answer to the second question is ‘no’.
If we wake up tired, we may talk about how tired we are and use that as an excuse for what we are not able to accomplish that day. It might sound like, “I’m too tired to work out, I’m too exhausted to run that errand, I would do that task but I am way too fatigued.”
Instead, try focusing on how you want to feel versus how you actually feel. If I do feel drowsy and unmotivated, maybe I can listen to an upbeat song that inspires me or think about how I will feel after I accomplish that dreaded task. Feeling a strong sense of self-satisfaction is one of the biggest motivators for me personally. I often visualize that ah-ha moment of joy when I just finished something I didn’t want to do, yet persevered through.
The next time you feel down, with low energy or a lack of motivation, try visualizing how you would prefer feeling. That image just may be a catalyst for a dose of inspiration. If that doesn’t work, heck, check out my Monday’s Motivational Message, as that is bound to help motivate you a little more. http://tracybutz.com/mondaysmotivation.html
Dull as Dirt!
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
When you wake up on Monday mornings (or whatever day you go to work), do you feel invigorated and ready to start the day or do you feel as if you’d rather roll over and wish the day away? If the answer is the latter of the two, it just may be because your work has become unfulfilling and drab; your job just may have become as dull as dirt.
If you are not as enthusiastic about your work life as you used to be, there are a few things you can do today to put somewhat of a sparkle back into it. Here are twelve ideas to lead you down a positive path:
- Hang around only people that are positive, fun and/or creative. Lose the “negative Nancy’s” or the “pessimistic Paul’s” of the world.
- Take a nice colleague out to lunch. Doing something unexpected for someone else always makes us feel wonderful.
- Compliment someone at work. Be genuine and specific.
- Wake up fifteen minutes earlier and look your best today. Go the extra mile to ensure you look and feel like a million bucks!
- Don’t complain or gossip today. Not even one little bit. Do don’t it and don’t listen to it.
- Go to the grocery store before work and buy a $6.99 bouquet of fresh flowers. Put them in a glass of water and enjoy them throughout the day.
- Jam to your favorite song(s) on the way to work AND on the way home today.
- When your phone rings, answer it with an upbeat and pleasant tone. Try standing during the call too. It is amazing how much more energy you will feel if you do this one simple act.
- Take a quick walk to the other side of your building, to stretch your legs and mind a bit. It helps to refresh yourself, especially if you just handled something difficult.
- After you handled a particular task that you have either avoided or didn’t look forward to, reward yourself! Indulge in a sweet treat or something that you find pleasurable. You deserve! Don’t wait until lunch time. Reward yourself when you’ve earned it.
- Take fifteen minutes to clean your desk. This may mean putting piles of paperwork into file folders, it may mean tossing some stuff you really don’t need, or it may be grabbing some paper towel with some soap and cleaning your desk. It is so nice to work or hang out in a clean and orderly space.
- Write a little note someplace you look often, yet unnoticeable to others. On the note write a positive message to yourself like, “My job is fun; today is a good day; I like what I do; I like my co-workers; I’m proud of myself; it is a beautiful day.” The message should be uplifting and hopefully it brings a smile to your face throughout the day.
As Earl Nightingale has said, “It’s our attitude in life that determines life’s attitude toward us.” How true that statement is. You just may be amazed at how others will respond to you. Choose to make your day a positive and joyous one. After all, it is far better than choosing to make it a drab and/or crappy one.
It’s All About Passion, Baby!
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Purpose is what usually directs you, but it is your passion that energizes and sustains you.
What are you passionate about? When you wake up in the morning, what gets you really jazzed? When you have some free time, what does your mind gravitate toward? Whatever this thing is, practice it relentlessly and become excellent at it, if you aren’t already. Whatever it is, commit that you will become your best at it.
My youngest son serves as a reminder to this point. Ever since he was really young, he has demonstrated a strong interest in cooking. He has always had a more mature pallet, enjoying a taste for finer foods, sauces and spices. For example, at age nine, his favorite food was “chicken linguine alfredo with vodka sauce.” But nonetheless, dining out was an expensive endeavor, with no kid’s menu coming close to satisfying his taste buds.
As a few years progressed, he became more interested in the cooking channel, cook books, and helping to prepare dinners like home-made pizza. He now wants to take French as a foreign language over Spanish, because as he says, “Every great Italian chef knows how to speak fluent French.” I’m now looking into culinary classes for him to continue to foster this obvious passion of his. It’s not too common for an eleven-year old boy to think far enough in the future to know that he needs to take a specific foreign language now to become an expert in his chosen field far later in life. He has amazing foresight at such a young age. He has clearly determined what he is passionate about and is making decisions that will lead him down that path. Whether he changes his mind or not between now and college, is unknown. What he has reinforced for me though, is the incredible power and clarity that passion brings. When we pay attention to our passions and honor them with the respect they deserve, we become less resistant to our strengths, desires and what we love. Take a few moments to acknowledge your passions and provide the energy necessary to fuel it. Who knows what you are capable of attaining when you are exercising a talent that you are enthusiastic about.
Priceless Luck
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
In fall of 2009 I was out in Denver, Colorado, attending an educational venue. I was given a twenty dollar bill and sixty minutes. The instructions were to buy someone lunch and report back about your experience. That doesn’t seem like too tough of an exercise, right?
I had never been in Denver before so I was unaware of my surroundings. I quickly found someone who pointed me in the direction of the closest restaurant. I spotted a couple reviewing the menu outside one establishment, approached them, and the man, without hesitation, said that they didn’t want to eat there after all and walked away with strange looks on both of their faces. Clearly they thought I had an ulterior motive.
I scanned up and down the street, knowing that I had chewed up fourteen of my sixty minutes already, running to the dining district and being abruptly rejected as if offering to buy a couple lunch was a crime. I noticed a Hard Rock Café at the end of the block, which not only had outdoor seating, but conveniently there were three women all looking at menus. They likely hadn’t ordered yet, so I was in luck.
I asked the waitress to seat me outside and near that group of women. I began by striking up easy conversation and asking a few questions to each of them. Because another seven minutes had passed, I decided to share my lunchtime task. Two ladies were thrilled about getting a free lunch and the third woman was very cautious, which I can hardly blame her for.
That lunch experience was one of the richest dining experiences of my life. I met three wonderful women, also here attending a different conference, who were very appreciative and also overwhelmingly surprised by the gesture. I did pay for lunch, but it wasn’t $20. The bill, with the tip, came to $80. When I realized that one of the girls also had a birthday coming up, I proceeded to give the waitress another $10 and asked that she bring her whatever dessert she wanted.
After singing “happy birthday” and embracing each as I left, I held onto my barely eaten sandwich, again sprinting back to the conference room about seven blocks away. I made it with two minutes to spare. What a story I shared and an amazing experience I had. The lunch cost – $90. The running shoes I chose to buy later that evening because of my aching feet from running in heels – $73. The incredible experience I had with three fun and inspirational women – priceless.
I’m Hangin’ On To How I Feel
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
As human beings, we all are different in many ways. However, we do all have one need in common; that need is to feel both valued and respected. It is a universal need.
Think for a moment, do those with whom we communicate feel valued and respected from the words we say and the actions we express? How do others feel after talking to you or me?
Consider how you are perceived in “moments of truth,” those brief, but critical moments when you interact with someone and a first impression is formed. What do we all really want from an interaction? Believe it or not, what the other person wants is very similar to what you also likely want. Do any of these points ring true to you?
- Extend a warm, friendly greeting upon meeting someone. Stop what you are doing and offer a little attention to that person.
- Ask questions of interest; be genuinely engaged in what he/she has to say, building upon each question if it makes sense to. One of the worst things I find is when someone I meet wants to only talk about themselves. Get to know other people. The more interest you show in others, the more interesting you actually become.
- Display not only verbal attention but also demonstrate affirmative non-verbal cues. Listen carefully with your ears and warmly with your eyes. Give sincere eye contact that is cordial and friendly.
Because people tend to hang on to how they feel after an encounter with us, be sure you do your best to help the feeling be positive. First impressions generate feelings quickly and they can take a lifetime to change.
