Stunning Self-Confidence is the New Sexy
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
People often share personal stories of their struggles with self-confidence. What I have found throughout my life experience is that this is not a female issue; rather, it is a people issue, and one that many battle with throughout their entire life. Am I smart enough? Am I tall enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I experienced enough? Am I good enough?
Having self-confidence is about believing in you as an individual. When you look in the mirror, how do you rate yourself on the “I love you” scale? If you think you are a smokin’ hot 10, you likely need an attitude adjustment because you love yourself too much. If you rate yourself beneath a 5, you likely will never live up to your potential and are doomed a failure. Right? Wrong!
Self-confidence has really nothing to do with what you literally see in the mirror. It is far more about who you see in the reflection.
Who really cares what your number is anyway, and I mean that at every level. From the scale, to the measuring tape, the IQ score, GPA, performance rating or whatever other measurement you use. Now I realize these numbers have value; significant value. Yet I don’t believe we should determine our self-worth based on those numbers. We are more than just numbers. Heck, I used to determine the type of day I was going to have by what numbers glared back at me every morning I timidly stepped on the square white box that was soon going to seal my fate for the next twenty-four hours. Not cool. We are definitely more than any number we or others assign.
What I have come to find, is that there is simply nothing more appealing than talking with or observing an individual with a strong sense of self-confidence, yet no glimmer of arrogance. It is attractive to see someone who feels good about themselves and who radiates that they are comfortable in their own skin; with who they are as a person. When I found myself years ago smack dab in the center of the dating arena, this unknown and foreign territory led me feeling self-conscious, uncomfortable and totally and completely vulnerable. Why? I didn’t love myself. My self-confidence was quite low. Whoever said that, “One needs to love herself before she can love anyone else” is truly brilliant. Yet many of us don’t really understand that. At least I didn’t.
If you want to “bring sexy back” like music icon Justin Timberlake croons about, raise your irresistible charm an octave by creating stunning self-confidence. Pick and choose several ideas below from the list of ten that sound interesting or appeal to your individual style. If they work…awesome! If they don’t, try a few others. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Look your best. If you are doing work around the house, going to work, or meeting a friend/client for lunch, we always feel better when we look better. If you are used to slacks and a shirt/blouse, dress it up with a fashionable piece of jewelry or a new belt. If you wear traditional suits, add a new blouse/shirt to take it up a notch. Instead of wearing the comfortable outfit, pull out the classy one that looks sharp and leaves you feeling amazing.
2. Think positive. Instead of listening to that negative self-talk that is so destructive, fill your mind with thoughts of how you will nail your next presentation; how you will secure that next new sale. Visualize your success and how you will feel as it happens.
3. Stand and walk straight and tall. My Mom used to frequently say to me, “Tracy, stand up straight and put your shoulders back.” What she was really articulating was how she wanted me to demonstrate my confidence and hold myself accordingly. It never helps to appear slow, slouchy, and sloppy. Instead, stand tall and poised to take on the world.
4. Smile. Human beings almost always appear warm, friendly and more approachable when they smile. It is a simple act that reaps the rewards. Others feel more inclined to trust you, help you and listen to you. They will be more influenced by you when you smile. Yet, when you don’t, when your smile is turned upside down, you won’t feel as good about yourself and that will come across clearly to who you are communicating with. A smile…easy and effective.
5. Hang around fun, inspiring people. Avoid the Debbie Downers and Pessimistic Paul’s of the universe. Hang out instead with those who are more like Motivating Michael or Enthusiastic Ellen. Those you choose to spend time with you will become more like. So be careful who gets your time and energy. Instead of energy deplete, connect with those that leave you feeling totally complete.
6. Write in a journal. Take a few minutes each day to channel your thoughts and write several of them in a special place. Maybe it is a journal focused on those things that bring you joy; or that you are grateful for, or ways in which you are overcoming a fear. Whatever bears a repetitive thought deserves to be written down. For what gets reminded, often gets repeated.
7. Write ten things you are good at or qualities you like in yourself. Carry a list of your positive traits with you at all times, so they are close and ready to be referenced. For if a negative thought enters your mind or someone makes an unwelcomed comment that is tough to overcome in the moment, pull out your list of positive attributes or strengths and remind yourself of your gifts and talents. Sometimes a simple affirmation is helpful to put things quickly back into perspective.
8. Prepare. I feel most confident when I am prepared. I feel far more anxious and uncertain when I am unprepared. Whatever task or initiative you are focused on, be sure you put your heart and soul into it and come to the table or tarmac prepared. As my husband always says, “Preparation is where planning meets opportunity.” When you are prepared, you can quickly work through unforeseen turbulence, as if on auto-pilot.
9. Arrive early. One thing I have learned the hard way throughout my life is that arriving late is good for no one. The person that is awaiting your arrival is often worried and nervous about why you are late and even if you are coming. You, the late individual, are likely racing through the streets or highway, trying to make up for lost time. Instead, plan to arrive early and give yourself a few minutes to gather your thoughts or use the restroom. If you arrive earlier than expected, bring along something that can productively occupy your time. Maybe listening to an audio CD, catching up on some reading material, reviewing some documents that need your attention, or following up on emails if you are parked and have a wireless connection.
10. Set one small goal and achieve it. Nothing breeds success more than success itself. Identify one small, yet important goal that you would like to attain. Understand clearly what needs to happen to allow you to accomplish that goal. Put it in writing and ensure you keep that goal front and center, reminding you daily about it. Once you achieve it, celebrate in an appropriate way, relative to the size and meaning of the goal. By accomplishing this endeavor, you have created momentum that will perpetuate and gain traction. Your self-confidence behind what you can accomplish will be at a well-deserved high level, one which will provide even more assurance that you can attain what you set out to do.
Even though Timberlake’s verse is focused on “knowing how to act,” I believe stunning self-confidence is most appealing (and sexy!) when “knowing how to be.” Choose to be self-confident over simply pretending to be.
“Bee” Busy Doing the Right Things
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
I find it interesting that some people can appear super busy, yet don’t necessarily accomplish very much. How is that possible, when
others can drive home task after task, project after project. I believe it is because they spend their time on low-value tasks and procrastinate on the high-value activities that need attention. So they look busy, and truly are, yet they are busy doing the wrong stuff and unfortunately not getting the results they desire. If we don’t manage our time, other people will, and we will end up stealing it from our spouses, our children and even ourselves. So how we spend our time is an extension of our values. It is important!
When you think of someone who consistently accomplishes a lot, what traits come to mind?
- Inclusive, collaborative
- Pleasant, friendly
- Approachable
- Delegates well
- Easy to get along with
- Positive, laughs, has fun
- ppreciates and rewards others
- Accountable
- Has integrity
- Does what he/she says they will do; self-disciplined
- Very organized
None of the traits mentioned include a magic pill; it is simply about clearly knowing what you need to do AND then doing it.
Complete this statement in your head…”I wish I had time to…” For me the answers are, “scrapbook, play a game with my kids, enjoy date night with my hubby.” What are these things worth to me? What is the pay-off? If I stay disciplined, then I’ll get to do these things. If I utilize my time better, this is my reward.
Don’t let procrastination get in the way of staying disciplined. After all, procrastination is not a character flaw…it’s a bad habit! Instead of giving into excuses, like I used to do much more years ago, consider the metaphor so famously aligned with the insect many of us try hard
to evade. Bees don’t know how to procrastinate and likely don’t get side-tracked very often. They just know how to work hard, and harder, and even harder yet, doing the right things…hence, the phrase, “busy as a bee.”
The Magical Road to Sweet Surprises
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Successful individuals are often described as those who can delay instant gratification and make sacrifices in the short term so that they can enjoy far greater rewards in the long term.
In contrast, those who think more about short term pleasure and immediate gratification with little thought given to long term planning, are often associated with far less success throughout their life.
Just like kids want to make it to Cupcake Commons or the Chunky Chocolate Mountains in the classic CANDY LAND® game, make your way to the castle and reap your reward of success through planning, preparation and foregoing instantaneous gratification.
This road may not be magical, but it will be sweet.
Five Questions to Ask Yourself
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
If you want to change some habits you’ve fallen into, as it relates to how you spend your time, here are five key questions you should consider asking yourself. When you answer them truthfully, it will help you more clearly manage your time.
1. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
2. What will you ensure you will accomplish tomorrow?
3. If your supervisor gave you a paid day off, how would you spend it?
4. If you were given one month paid leave from work, how would you use this time?
5. How does what you do with your time, rather than what you want to do, reflect what is most important to you?
If we don’t manage our time, other people will for us, and we will end up stealing it from our spouses, our children and even ourselves.
Toning Up Can Enhance Your Body…and Voice
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
You may recall being told when you were very young, “Don’t use that tone of voice with me, Mister (or Missy)!”
Your voice and accompanying expressions are very powerful tools for communicating when used properly and a friendly tone of voice can make you seem much more approachable and kind. Think about what a “friendly” voice sounds like to you, as it often provides others with a greater sense of trust and reliance on you.
So if someone has candidly shared that you need to “sound friendlier” or if you feel you could benefit from portraying a friendlier voice, then read on and try practicing a few of these Toning Tips:
Toning Tips for Developing a Friendlier Tone of Voice:
- Slow down the pace of delivery and pause with some frequency.
- Think about the situation from a more positive view. What you’re thinking can easily come through in the tone of your voice. Be careful that your thoughts don’t project a different message from the one want to put across.
- Change the word emphasis to reflect a more positive projection, like curiosity, excitement, interest, or responsibility. By switching what words you stress, you can sound much friendlier.
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – A defensive emphasis
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – Cooperative, willing to help
- “What would you like me to do about the paper jam?” – An apathetic monotone, questionable decision-maker
- Watch how actors you admire project a friendly voice. Think of an actor in a role where you perceived their character as friendly and note the tone, speed of delivery, facial expressions, and body language they present when in character.
- Audio-record yourself speaking. Speak as naturally as possible into some recording device and listen as objectively as you can to determine where you may need to improve. What were your first impressions of your speaking voice?
- Use a video-recorder to play back both your image and sound. Watch your body language as well as listening to tone of voice because your overall projection is important for displaying a sense of friendliness.
- Ask a close friend or colleague to provide his/her candid opinion of you using your voice both before and after you try to change it. He/she can offer a more objective opinion than you likely can yourself, which may prove to be very helpful.
Rather than making a New Years’ Resolution to tone your body, try focusing on enhancing your tone of voice. It is amazing what a few workouts can do for you…and this choice is far less painful with longer lasting results!
Build Trust One Brick at a Time
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
When trust exists in an organization or in a relationship, almost everything else is easier and more comfortable to achieve. Trust even forms the foundation for effective communication, employee retention, and employee motivation and contribution of discretionary energy, the extra effort that people voluntarily invest in work. So why is it that something so important, appears to be lacking in organizations today?
In 2010, Maritz Research conducted a poll to better understand U.S. employees’ attitudes toward their employers. The poll found that employees across all industries cite a lack of trust in not only their senior leaders, but also in their direct managers and colleagues. Only 11 percent of employees strongly agree that their managers show consistency in their words and actions. Further, only 7 percent of employees strongly agree they trust senior leaders to look out for their best interests, and only 7 percent strongly agree they trust their co-workers to do so. Obviously, these percentages need to change, but how?
I have found that for employees to trust their bosses either initially or after trust has been betrayed, supervisors must add frequent emotional deposits to the employee’s bank account. Deposits may vary, yet they should occur often. The supervisor needs to establish or re-establish a track record of using fair practices, following through on promises, setting clear expectations, providing frequent and timely feedback, and ensuring communication is open and honest.
As an employee starts to see greater transparency and begins the process of trust, or decides to once again try trusting the supervisor, trust hopefully will gradually become more apparent. In cases of workplace betrayal between a supervisor and a direct report, time is definitely a key component that is necessary in the healing process. But in addition to time, the supervisor must also demonstrate qualities of integrity, strength and confidence before trust will begin to build back. Essentially, trust is about character and is built with many small actions over time. It’s kind of like building a foundation, one brick at a time.
I once read that respect is like air; you don’t really pay attention to it until it is in question or no longer there. I think trust is much the same; when you have it with someone, it seems like it is a given. However, when it becomes strained or it’s lost, it becomes a difficult hurdle to overcome. Trust issues may be tough to work through, but as with all obstacles, it is in times of adversity when we learn the most.
It’s Not the Load, but the Way You Carry it, that Weighs You Down
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Is procrastination a character flaw or a habit? It is definitely a habit, although many people talk about it as if it were an uncontrollable quality, an innate part of their personality, or it has even been referred to as an appealing trait, which I feel is simply nothing more than a disguised excuse. Let’s face it, procrastination is a choice and over time, it can become a habit that is really difficult to break.
Procrastination is defined by experts as the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, which leads to putting off important tasks to a later time. The behavior is usually counterproductive, not necessary, and it often delays something that needs your attention. Often times it results in increased levels of stress, a sense of guilt, a dramatic loss of productivity, and can even include strained relationships if commitments or responsibilities aren’t handled. So why do it? Good question. Common sense is not always common practice.
We tend to find ourselves walking down the procrastination path when we are faced with one of four scenarios:
- Unpleasant tasks
- Difficult tasks
- Perfectionism
- Disorganization
First, for tasks that you don’t care for, we tend to put them off to the side and wish them away. But do they go away? The chances are not too likely. So when you have one or even several tasks that you would prefer to avoid, I recommend tackling those first, and then giving yourself a small reward for “kicking that can” out of the way. Don’t let dreaded duties drag you down. Face ‘em and forget ‘em.
Second are the difficult tasks; those responsibilities that seem daunting and sometimes demanding. Arduous tasks require our greatest concentration. I suggest that you plan specific times throughout the day to focus your attention on these duties when you have the greatest mental energy. For some of us this time is first thing in the morning. For others of us it is mid-morning. Yet for people like me, I find I am able to concentrate the best right after lunch. Tackle the most difficult tasks at the right time and then break them down into digestible chunks. By assigning a timeline to the overall task, knowing when each aspect needs to be completed, scheduling time in your schedule that aligns with your energy cycle, and then following through on your plan, will certainly help you to combat your most daunting endeavors.
The third reason we find ourselves procrastinating is when we seek a perfect outcome. Usually tasks do not require perfection; rather, they need to be handled according to expectations. If we continue to make adjustments because it isn’t “just so,” we usually find ourselves losing high levels of productivity and simply getting stuck. I believe in exceeding expectations, but leaving perfectionism at the door.
The fourth component of procrastination is disorganization. I continue to be amazed at the number of individuals who swear that they know exactly where every piece of paper is among the mountains and piles. They may have a general idea, and they may even know about where the document is, however, the chances of being able to work without feeling a sense of chaos and disarray, I just can’t imagine. I could definitely be wrong here, but I know that I am always more focused and productive when my desk area is organized and clean. So if you suffer from disorganization, I challenge you to take the “De-clutter Challenge.” Do your best to un-clutter your work area and keep it that way for one full week. Take an honest pulse-check as to whether you feel you had greater productivity by being more organized. Your outcome of this experiment will clearly outline for you whether or not enhanced organization can help you. It’s worth a try; what have you got to lose? Except…maybe another important piece of paper?
You, like me, are probably being asked to do more today than you did a year ago. Whether it is at work or at home, the tasks continue to come. As you likely realize, not all tasks are created equal. And if you don’t prioritize them, someone else usually will. So plan your responsibilities and strive to re-prioritize them as needed, even if that means doing this several times a week or even per day. Because it is not the actual number of tasks that we need to do that weighs us down; for if it was, we would have been able to get up years ago. Instead, what tends to burdens us is how we carry the load. Choose to handle those tasks promptly that need your attention rather than procrastinating and putting them off until they become a crisis. The “Gain®” certainly out-weighs the “Tide®.”
Which Door Wood You Choose?
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
When you are faced with a significant hardship, like mounting debt, being out of work, or a struggling relationship, how do you usually work through it?
I have found that there are generally three kinds of people—A) those that want to make things better, B) those that choose to make things better and C) those that wonder how others seem to make things better. Which person are you, A, B or C?
We all handle issues in different ways, yet my point is about ‘how’ we choose to face the difficult challenge before us. People tend to fall into one of three categories, relatively speaking.
Some individuals ‘want’ to do things to improve their situation but struggle with creating a plan, committing to it, and then following it through to make it happen. I refer to these people as those that ponder behind Door A, made of ash wood.
Some though, tend to stand by Door B made of birch wood and ‘watch’ others improve their difficulties, and repeatedly wonder how that person was able to move forward, yet they continue to struggle. It’s almost as if something, like fear perhaps, is crippling them and allowing them to be somewhat of a passive bystander, and letting life pass them by.
However, there is a third group that eagerly waits behind Door C made of cedar wood. These individuals can hardly wait to open the door to address the situation, looking forward to the future beyond this hurdle. They usually learn a valuable lesson or two from the adversity; however, the issue is quickly left behind in their rear-view mirror.
Before you find yourself in a position of indecision or difficulty, try to consciously determine today which door would suit you best…the one made of Ash, Birch or Cedar. Then when you encounter a hardship, all you need to do is act…with confidence and without hesitation.
Dull as Dirt!
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
When you wake up on Monday mornings (or whatever day you go to work), do you feel invigorated and ready to start the day or do you feel as if you’d rather roll over and wish the day away? If the answer is the latter of the two, it just may be because your work has become unfulfilling and drab; your job just may have become as dull as dirt.
If you are not as enthusiastic about your work life as you used to be, there are a few things you can do today to put somewhat of a sparkle back into it. Here are twelve ideas to lead you down a positive path:
- Hang around only people that are positive, fun and/or creative. Lose the “negative Nancy’s” or the “pessimistic Paul’s” of the world.
- Take a nice colleague out to lunch. Doing something unexpected for someone else always makes us feel wonderful.
- Compliment someone at work. Be genuine and specific.
- Wake up fifteen minutes earlier and look your best today. Go the extra mile to ensure you look and feel like a million bucks!
- Don’t complain or gossip today. Not even one little bit. Do don’t it and don’t listen to it.
- Go to the grocery store before work and buy a $6.99 bouquet of fresh flowers. Put them in a glass of water and enjoy them throughout the day.
- Jam to your favorite song(s) on the way to work AND on the way home today.
- When your phone rings, answer it with an upbeat and pleasant tone. Try standing during the call too. It is amazing how much more energy you will feel if you do this one simple act.
- Take a quick walk to the other side of your building, to stretch your legs and mind a bit. It helps to refresh yourself, especially if you just handled something difficult.
- After you handled a particular task that you have either avoided or didn’t look forward to, reward yourself! Indulge in a sweet treat or something that you find pleasurable. You deserve! Don’t wait until lunch time. Reward yourself when you’ve earned it.
- Take fifteen minutes to clean your desk. This may mean putting piles of paperwork into file folders, it may mean tossing some stuff you really don’t need, or it may be grabbing some paper towel with some soap and cleaning your desk. It is so nice to work or hang out in a clean and orderly space.
- Write a little note someplace you look often, yet unnoticeable to others. On the note write a positive message to yourself like, “My job is fun; today is a good day; I like what I do; I like my co-workers; I’m proud of myself; it is a beautiful day.” The message should be uplifting and hopefully it brings a smile to your face throughout the day.
As Earl Nightingale has said, “It’s our attitude in life that determines life’s attitude toward us.” How true that statement is. You just may be amazed at how others will respond to you. Choose to make your day a positive and joyous one. After all, it is far better than choosing to make it a drab and/or crappy one.
It’s All About Passion, Baby!
Blog from Tracy Butz of Think Impact Solutions
Purpose is what usually directs you, but it is your passion that energizes and sustains you.
What are you passionate about? When you wake up in the morning, what gets you really jazzed? When you have some free time, what does your mind gravitate toward? Whatever this thing is, practice it relentlessly and become excellent at it, if you aren’t already. Whatever it is, commit that you will become your best at it.
My youngest son serves as a reminder to this point. Ever since he was really young, he has demonstrated a strong interest in cooking. He has always had a more mature pallet, enjoying a taste for finer foods, sauces and spices. For example, at age nine, his favorite food was “chicken linguine alfredo with vodka sauce.” But nonetheless, dining out was an expensive endeavor, with no kid’s menu coming close to satisfying his taste buds.
As a few years progressed, he became more interested in the cooking channel, cook books, and helping to prepare dinners like home-made pizza. He now wants to take French as a foreign language over Spanish, because as he says, “Every great Italian chef knows how to speak fluent French.” I’m now looking into culinary classes for him to continue to foster this obvious passion of his. It’s not too common for an eleven-year old boy to think far enough in the future to know that he needs to take a specific foreign language now to become an expert in his chosen field far later in life. He has amazing foresight at such a young age. He has clearly determined what he is passionate about and is making decisions that will lead him down that path. Whether he changes his mind or not between now and college, is unknown. What he has reinforced for me though, is the incredible power and clarity that passion brings. When we pay attention to our passions and honor them with the respect they deserve, we become less resistant to our strengths, desires and what we love. Take a few moments to acknowledge your passions and provide the energy necessary to fuel it. Who knows what you are capable of attaining when you are exercising a talent that you are enthusiastic about.
